


woke up on the wrong side of reality (in a galaxy that seems more like hell than home)

by trxshmxuth



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Bisexual Liam, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, IT'S BULLSHIT, M/M, Protective Liam, Slow Burn, Starting now, and i hate how wishy washy ryder is in game, gimme those renegade options, i'm fixing the dialogue and interactions because they're terrible, irregular updates because ya boi can't read a calendar or keep a regular schedule lmao, it's a coda to the game, liam likes to flirt without subtlety, ryder is confused about his feelings, ryder needs a hug, so this is technically an a/b/o verse but there isn't a huge emphasis on it??, updates once a week or so, you absolute cowards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-08-19 09:31:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16531937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trxshmxuth/pseuds/trxshmxuth
Summary: In which Ryder becomes the Pathfinder and he isn't even close to prepared.orA fix-it coda to a game that could actually have been okay if the developers cared as much about details as the fans; in which I fix dialogue and interactions and add the romance we all truly wanted.





	1. some princes don’t become kings

The first time Ryder sees Liam—really sees him—is in the cryo bay. His head feels cloudy and his hands won’t stop shaking and he feels like absolute shit. The mug of impostor coffee in his hands does little to ease the everything that he’s feeling but the warmth of it helps with the shaking.

Ryder’s just finished telling Lexi that he feels like a 600 year old popsicle—not his most poetic but he’s still waking up and he’s never really been a morning person—when he makes eye contact with Kosta across the room. Liam gives him a crooked grin and a shaky wave, but before Ryder can acknowledge him, there are doctors hassling both of them and he can only focus on so many things at once.

After that, it’s a blur. The shake and shudder of the Arc as it hits something, the cryo-pod flying at him and the sudden drop into zero gravity. The doctors, his sister, controlled coma they say, like that’s supposed to comfort him. He remembers biting his tongue in the control room as his father looks at him with disapproval after Ryder sticks his neck out for him— _“Pretty good isn’t good enough”_ —remembers the heavy weight of his father’s gaze that he couldn’t hold

Ryder doesn’t remember the time in between—the casual banter in the armoury that feels forced and stiff, grabbing his gear and humouring Cora when he walks over to the lucky rock and pats it awkwardly, unsure of how one treats such things when they don’t even get along with the man who coined the superstition in the first place. 

He definitely doesn’t remember his father’s bullshit pep talk. By the time they’re in the hangar, ready to go, he’s itching to dig his fingers into this new world, this uncharted territory. He’s buzzing with restless energy, almost overflowing with it. He can see Liam to his left, eyes bright and muscles tensed.

“Been waitin’ 600 years for this.” Ryder can hear the barely-subdued anticipation in Liam’s voice and he knows that Kosta’s as ready for it as he is. They share a grin, an electricity in the air around them, and Ryder follows Liam onto the shuttle.

______

Ryder can’t help the exhilaration that bubbles in his veins, hot like fire in his blood as their shuttle departs from the Arc. He’s gone on missions before, in the Milky Way, it’s what he’d been trained for but he still feels a thrill as he looks out the big window of shuttle at everything before them. The energy cloud, or whatever it is they ran into, sends a shock of fear crawling down Ryder’s spine and he’s breathless at the feeling of it. He’s so enthralled by the sights he’s drinking in that Liam’s words almost get lost in the background banter when he addresses him.

“Ryder, we didn’t get a chance to meet back in the Milky Way. Not really, anyway.”

“You’re Kosta, right? Liam?”

“Right,” Liam sounds pleased, like he hadn’t expected Ryder to remember. “I’m a security and response specialist.”

“Good to meet you, Liam.” Ryder pauses and he’s sure that Liam can hear the grin in his voice. “For real, this time.”

“Yeah,” Liam huffs out a laugh that sounds half giddy and half nervous. “Hard to believe we’re finally doing this.”

“Sure beats reading the brochures.” Ryder’s sarcasm earns a genuine laugh this time and he decides that he enjoys bantering with Liam far more than anyone else he’s spoken to so far. They stop talking when the shuttle begins to descend and a nervous sort of energy begins to buzz around inside the cabin. No one knows what’s going to happen when they break through. 

Their shuttle finally makes it through the atmosphere and Ryder breathes out an “Oh, shit,” at the same time that Liam helpfully points out that the mountains are floating, just in case anyone had missed that little detail. The shuttle continues on and Ryder’s stomach continues to sink. There’s a heaviness in his chest and it’s hard to breathe past the disappointment that’s bubbling in his throat. 

“This doesn’t look like our golden world,” The disappointment oozes through his teeth and slips past his lips. Someone begins to say something in response, probably his father, about to reprimand him for not acting like the son of the pathfinder, when they spot the alien building. Panic wells in Ryder’s stomach, black like the vacuum of space. “Has anyone seen us?” He manages to keep the panic out of his voice which is a feat.

“What if they’re not friendly?” Liam voices the worries of everyone on board and Ryder wants to respond, knows how he should respond, but his father beats him to the punch.

“We stick to contact protocol,” Alec sounds every ounce the pathfinder he is, his voice calm and unwavering. “No use of deadly force unless hostile intent is clear.”

Ryder and Liam share a look. Ryder opens his mouth to say—something, he’s not sure what. Something inspiring, maybe, something everyone expects the pathfinder’s son to say, but the shuttle abruptly jolts and then everything goes to hell. 

Whatever has gone wrong tears the goddamn door off and Liam ends up outside of the shuttle, hanging on for dear life, calling for Ryder. He reaches for Liam without thinking, doesn’t stop to wonder what’ll happen if he ends up out there too. He’s got a firm grip on what’s left of the door but the shuttle jars again, caught in this freak lightning storm, and Ryder suddenly finds himself falling. 

The shuttle is raining down around him in flames and he vaguely registers everyone else yelling in the background on the comms but he can’t really hear it over his own screaming. He’s fucking _terrified_. This isn't how he thought he’d die. Not by a long shot. He wanted a beach. Maybe some weird alien palm trees. An ocean of some kind. Not this. Not the disappointment of a crumbling ‘golden world’ slipping through his fingers.

Ryder begins to fall faster, boosters somehow damaged, with SAM’s helpful comments ringing in his ear and he can’t figure out how to maneuver out of the way fast enough to avoid hitting one of the floating rocks on the way down. He hears the sharp crack of his armour as he makes contact, feels the pain reverberate up his back and into his skull. 

He blacks out momentarily, wakes up a few seconds later with a sharp gasp. He’s still falling, but now the ground is alarmingly close. His boosters sputter to life at the last second but he still slams into the side of a cliff. Now, the pain reverberates through Ryder’s entire body and he hits the ground like a ragdoll, rolling down the steep slope. He manages to hit what feels like every rock on the planet on the way down. He’s pretty sure his bones are gonna be bruised after this. 

Ryder lands on his face at the bottom and he’s momentarily winded until he realizes that he actually _can’t fucking breathe_. He’s sucking in air, lungs burning with the effort, but his visor’s cracked, shattered in front of his right eye.

“Fuck!” He’s gasping for breath as his shaking hands fumble with the omni-tool. Ryder’s vision fuzzes into blackness and he doesn’t remember raising the omni-tool up to fix the visor but he can suddenly breath again, dizzy with oxygen, so he must have managed it somehow. 

“Shit,” He lays on his back and closes his eyes, drowning in pain. What an entrance into their new golden world. “...Goddamn.”

______

Liam finds him like that, splayed out like a malfunctioning VI and the only reason Ryder knows it’s Liam and not some bizarre space-creature come to eat him is because of the panicked “Ryder!” that leaves Liam’s lips as he kneels beside him.

“Ugh, ‘m fine. Mostly.” Ryder sits up with Liam’s help but he has to stop and regain his bearings when the darkness creeps into the edges of his vision again. “I think my pride took the brunt of it.”

Liam’s got one arm around his waist and the other is pulling him up and Ryder would probably swoon if he wasn’t so busy trying not to pass out again. As soon as he actually stands there’s a sharp pain in his side which has him hissing and doubling over as he clutches uselessly at the armour there. 

“Ah! Fuck,” Ryder’s teeth are clenched but it doesn’t stop the curses from tumbling out. “Shit, wow, okay. That’s—yeah, that hurts.”

“Woah. Easy there, Ryder,” Liam’s taking Ryder’s sudden trash mouth in stride even though Ryder knows damn well that it’s a shock for the pathfinder’s son to not act as cool and collected as he’s expected to. Well, he’s only human, so fuck ‘em. “Can’t have you outta commission before we even begin.” Liam chuckles nervously and the arm around Ryder’s waist tightens as he lets out another hiss of pain when he raises his omni-tool and tries to contact the others. 

“Hyperion? SAM?” Ryder has to remind himself to breathe as the panic wells again. “Anyone?”

“Save your breath. SAM’s offline. Comm link’s trashed. I’m surprised we aren’t, too.” Liam side-eyes Ryder and amends his previous statement. “Well, not entirely, anyway.”

“Damn. Did anyone else make it? Do you know?” _Is my father alive?_

“Not sure. It was mostly all a blur after, y’know, after the first explosion.” Liam’s looking straight ahead and his voice is tight. “I saw the shuttle split in two above us. This is like some kind of nightmare.”

“No kidding.” Ryder gazes at the planet around them—the floating mountains, the lightning strikes that fall without mercy or pattern, the haze of the harsh atmosphere, the skeletons of wilted plants around them—and his heart breaks a little. “There’s no way this is home.”

Liam doesn’t respond, just tightens his grip for a fraction of a second before he slowly lets go, arms raised as he backs away to give Ryder space, ready to catch him if he falls. By no small miracle, Ryder manages to stay on his feet, though he does curse a few more times for good measure.

“Looks like we gotta find some high ground, see if anyone else is around.” Liam says, like it doesn’t bother him all that much. Ryder can hear the fear in his voice, though, disguised as it is. He decides not to point out that maybe high ground isn’t the best place to be when there’s a bunch of fucking lightning everywhere. Instead he starts walking, like he knows where he’s going any more than Liam does. He doesn’t. Liam doesn’t need to know that, though.

There’s some stiff banter that hangs in the air awkwardly as they begin to explore. Liam really can’t seem to get over the floating rocks and he makes a comment about the storms and how they don’t seem natural that settles heavily in Ryder’s mind. He’s shocked out of thought—almost literally—when a lightning bolt singes the ground in front of him. Ryder jumps back and crashes into Liam. 

“Holy shit!” Ryder owes so many credits to the swear jar. So many.

“Agreed. Shall we make a run for it?”

Ryder’s about to make a joke about ‘ladies first’ but he screams instead when another lightning bolt nearly hits him. “Yeah, okay, good plan. Let’s go!” He takes off running, not willing to look back but sure that Liam’s right behind him anyway. Ryder doesn’t stop until they reach a sheltered cave with giant glowing mushrooms crowding in it. He decides, in that moment, that he really hates this planet. 

“Is this for real?” Liam sounds about as terrified as Ryder feels. “What the hell’s going on with this place?!”

“Planet’s trying to murder us.” Ryder’s wheezing and his side feels like it’s splitting open but he still shrugs, as though he’s unfazed. The use of sarcasm is a dead giveaway to the nerves buzzing under his skin. “You know. The usual.”

“It can try.” Liam says, false bravado coating the fear. 

“I’d really rather it didn’t.”

“How’s your gun?” Liam’s change of subject would give Ryder whiplash if the shuttle explosion hadn’t already done that. “Might want to see if it’s still functional.”

Ryder draws his gun and aims for a busted fuel cell. His hands shake as he lines up the shot and he misses it on the first try but manages to hit dead-centre on the second. Liam huffs out a laugh as Ryder holsters the weapon again, embarrassed but grateful that the gun seems to have survived the fall.

“Dunno ‘bout your aim, but the gun’s working, at least.”

Ryder childishly sticks out his tongue even though Liam can’t see it behind the visor. He pushes ahead, trying his best not to look at the dragonlike aliens in the distance because they’re really beginning to freak him out. He adamantly looks ahead until he sees a way up the cliff. Ryder stops at the base and looks up, watching the lightning strike madly at the rocks. They’ll have to jump a few gaps on their way up and Ryder can’t decide which is worse: falling to his death or being struck by lightning. Neither option is great.

“...This is a bad idea.”

“What other choice do we have?” Liam doesn’t sound too enthusiastic either.

“Fair point.”

“You know, I think I’d rather fall than get hit by lightning.”

“Give it a minute,” Ryder says as he begins to climb. “We can probably do both.”

______

First contact goes about as well as Ryder expected it to but they manage to keep Fisher from getting shot by what Ryder assumes to be the locals, which is what really matters. It unnerves him to leave Fisher there like that in the wreckage with a broken leg, but he knows that they have to find everyone else, knows that his father is counting on him.

Ryder hates it, but he pretends like he knows what he’s doing and plays finder anyway. He and Liam manage to get to Greer in time and Ryder feels a little bit better about things when they send him back to Fisher with supplies. He stops feeling okay and starts feeling uneasy again when they stumble upon the alien structure that has _killer robots_ inside. He starts feeling really shitty after they witness Kirkland’s death. 

It’s not any better when they finally make it to Cora, Hayes and the Doc and find that they’ve been pinned down, fighting wave after wave of hostile alien. They jump in to help, because _of course_ they're going to, even if Ryder feels lightheaded the entire time and nearly collapses when a pulse beam grazes his hurt side. They fight well for a while, he and Cora using their biotics to gain the upper hand, until Hayes catches a shot in the side and Ryder’s own echoes the pain in sympathy, causing the blue around him to flicker and sputter out like a suffocated flame. He grits his teeth against the pain and keeps shooting. 

They’re all in bad shape and even with the comms fixed, the helplessness in the air is nearly tangible. Things don’t go much better once they finally find Ryder’s father. He tells Alec about the structures he and Liam found, shares his thoughts about how they might be labs, like the hostile aliens have been studying the planet, or something. 

“Good work,” Alec’s voice doesn’t hold any pride in it. “You actually did some scouting.”

Ryder can’t help the hurt noise that escapes his lips. “You didn’t think I would?”

Liam puts a comforting hand on Ryder’s shoulder when the Pathfinder doesn’t answer and Ryder bites his tongue. There’s a lot he wants to say to his father but none of it matters when they have wounded waiting for a ride off of this hell planet. Ryder struggles to pay attention as Alec and SAM explain their plans regarding the weather anomalies, storming the structure, and then, suddenly—

They’re in the thick of it. The aliens may be some mean looking sons of bitches but the party cuts through them and makes it into the structure with minimal casualties. It’s the fighting inside that really causes Ryder’s energy levels to flag. His side is killing him—it suddenly occurs to him that he probably fractured some ribs in the fall from the shuttle—and constantly using his biotics to fucking slam his enemies into oblivion is taking a toll.

It takes them a while to find the control panel, the entrance, but when they manage to get the doors open, Ryder finally feels something that might be hope. For a brief moment, he finds it strange that his father can interface with an alien algorithm and actually make a difference, but decides to write it off as one of SAM’s many wonders. 

When they walk back outside, it already feels like they’re on a different planet. Ryder can’t help the smile that breaks on his face as he feels warm sunlight filter in through the visor. 

“I’ll be damned. It’s working!” It’s not home, not yet, but it’s a start.

“There’s hope, at least.” Alec says, like he can read Ryder’s mind, and he lays a heavy hand on Ryder’s arm. Ryder resists the urge to shake it off—he won’t let their usual enmity ruin this moment. Not when things are finally beginning to look okay. SAM’s saying something about linguistics and logistics in the background but there’s a sudden rumbling beneath Ryder’s feet that has the panic setting in again.

He and the Pathfinder turn toward the room they’d just come out of and it looks like an energy bomb just went off in there. Smoke is rolling toward them at an alarming speed, pushed along by a pulse that sends them flying before they can do anything to stop it. Ryder’s been screaming and falling an awful lot today, but he can’t find it in himself to care while he’s on his hands and knees once again trying to breathe in oxygen that doesn’t exist.

His chest is burning and the pain in his side is flaring white-hot, sending jolts of nausea through Ryder as he chokes in the strange atmosphere. Ryder’s vision blurs as he sees his father limping toward him through the smoke and debris where they landed and he can’t hear what Alec’s saying past the blood rushing through his veins, adrenaline pumping it double time. He’s going to suffocate quickly, at least. A small comfort.

Ryder distantly hears the click of a helmet detaching and then reattaching, sees his father’s face contort and grimace as though Ryder’s an outsider, helpless to do anything but watch it happen. 

“What—what’re you—” The pain reaches a crescendo and Ryder’s vision blurs into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that i'm garbage and i can't write anything that isn't a/b/o  
> .n.
> 
> me and fall out boy have a lot in common when we choose titles  
> and  
> it's really too bad about the game


	2. if you wanna start a fight, you'd better throw the first punch

Ryder jolts awake, jarring the injuries that he’s sustained. His head is pounding, a sharp ache that feels like a pulse beam in his frontal lobe. He groans as he struggles into a sitting position.

“What happened?”

“You were clinically dead for twenty-two seconds.” Ah, good old SAM. Always quick with the bad news. Ryder swallows the impulse response of ‘ _well why didn’t they let me stay that way_ ’.

“Did the rest of the team make it?”

“Hey…” Says a voice from the floor and Ryder jerks back, hissing at the ache that movement brings. “You’re still with us.”

Liam’s voice is soft and concerned and Ryder’s vision blurs from the pain. He tries to move to the end of the metal slab he’s been resting on and gasps at the sharp new wave of agony that rolls through his body. Liam quickly stands to help and keeps one hand on Ryder’s back even as he uses the other to contact the rest of the team and let them know that Ryder is awake. 

The hand is a comfort, especially when Ryder gets swarmed by doctors and Cora, all poking and prodding and asking questions. He hates the third degree they’re giving him but hates it more when they all go quiet and refuse to look in his eyes when he finally sees the N7 helmet and asks what happened to his father.

Cora’s the one to answer him, though she still won’t meet his gaze. “It was your life or his. And he chose you.”

Ryder swallows around the guilt, around the feeling of _i shouldn’t be the one sitting here right now_ that bubbles and wells in his throat. He feels like he’s drowning and it’s only Liam’s hand that keeps Ryder from suffocating.

“I’m… so sorry.” She says, voice low. “I know this must be a blow. Especially after… everything.”

Ryder can’t bring himself to look at anyone around him. “I didn’t… we weren’t close. Not really.” It feels like a confession, like he should be in one of those old churches in the classic, old-earth vids he’s seen. He feels like he’s being weighed, judged by the eyes that have followed his every movement since he first stepped foot on the Arc. His chest is heavy and he feels numb. His voice is a whisper. “I didn’t really know the Pathfinder.”

“I know he could be distant,” Cora says, as if she knows anything about Ryder family dynamics, and Ryder clenches his fist in his lap. “But he once said that when his time came he wanted to go out among stars no one had seen before.” How poetic. Ryder can’t seem to reconcile those words with the Alec that he knows. Knew. The father he knew. Or didn’t know, as it were. 

It takes Ryder a few minutes for his brain to solve that equation and when the heavy silence becomes too awkward and the hand on his back burns with _something_ , he shakes it off with the act of pretending like he hadn’t already noticed where they were, looking around like the movement doesn’t cause every stabbing ache inside of him to pulsate. Liam’s hand slides away from his back but the warmth lingers. It leaves Ryder feeling hollowed-out and bone tired. 

“What—” Ryder has to clear the guilty sorrow from his throat. “What are we doing in SAM node?”

He doesn’t really hear what Lexi says, past the pain that’s eating away at his insides, at his brain. He doesn’t hear himself ask SAM for clarification, doesn’t really tune back into the conversation at all until he hears the word Pathfinder.

It makes his blood run cold and he can’t keep the panic out of his voice. “Shouldn’t that be, I dunno, Cora?” There’s a hint of desperation that he doesn’t manage to swallow before the words tumble out at the edges of a nervous laugh that sounds strained to his own ears. “I mean, she’s way more qualified than I am. Right? This is a mistake? It has to be.”

“In theory.” Cora sounds about as pleased with this turn of events as anyone else and the contrition gnawing at Ryder’s insides doesn’t help. “In reality, you’re the new pathfinder.”

“You can’t be serious.” Ryder’s mind is reeling and he doesn’t need to hear this. He feels like he might puke.

“What’s the matter?” Liam’s voice is gentle, honest. It makes Ryder feel even sicker. “I think you’re up for it.”

“That’s easy enough to say but going out there and doing it? Fuck.” Lexi and Cora both look surprised at Ryder’s word choice and it just makes him feel shittier. “You watched me, Liam. You saw it. I barely survived that last mission. I mean, technically, I _didn’t_.”

“But you’re alive and kicking now.” Liam’s optimism is cute but it’s not what Ryder needs. “You’re not a quitter, that’s for sure.”

Ryder bares his teeth and looks away. It’s all just a reminder that these people don’t know him, not really. He’s not… he isn’t the right person for this, but these people don’t know that and Ryder doesn’t know how to tell them.

______

Everything’s going so fast and Ryder feels like he’s lost in the current, trying desperately to keep his head above water and failing miserably. SAM is now a part of him—because he’s the fucking Pathfinder, apparently; there’s an arc full of people whose survival is resting on his shoulders and he has to get everyone a home.

The only sliver of hope to come out of the whole mess is that his father at least managed to fix the atmosphere. They might have a golden world after all. Ryder isn’t listening even as Cora’s giving him an earful about how he’s the pathfinder now and he needs to buckle up and put his put his big boy pants on, only more eloquently and less in layman’s terms, and Lexi must see the distant look on his face or maybe the way his eyes can’t seem to focus.

“He needs to rest.”

Cora doesn’t look too pleased at the interruption. “He’s got two hours,” She says, like it kills her to give him this leeway. Well, he almost died so _fuck_ her. “We’ll need our Pathfinder for this.”

Ryder has to swallow the displeased rumble that’s building in his chest, clawing its way up his throat. If he could hand off the mantle of Pathfinder to her then he would, gladly. But he’s stuck with it now and he can’t deal with this sudden responsibility as well as her newfound animosity. The stress of it will kill him before the day is done. He almost hopes it will.

Everyone turns to leave and Ryder can’t suppress the low whine that escapes his lips. Liam must hear it because he pauses and turns back to the new Pathfinder. 

“I, uh, I checked on your sister. Still no change.” Liam hesitates, walks toward him and makes a move like he’s going to touch Ryder again. He must think better of it, though, because his hand stops halfway toward Ryder and it’s left awkwardly hanging in the air. “But if you can pull through, so can she.” His hand drops and the sentence is quiet, meant to be comforting. It just makes the guilt swell inside of Ryder again. Sara would make an excellent Pathfinder. He finds himself wishing, not for the first time in his life, that their roles were reversed. He could go for a nice coma right about now.

“I—thanks.” 

“Of course,” Liam smiles, soft and sad. “Ryder.”

Ryder watches him walk away and has to fight the whine that builds on his tongue again. It wouldn’t do for the Pathfinder to act as weak as he felt. He needs to be the best he can be now, needs to be a pillar of hope and strength for everyone one board, like he's supposed to. Ryder lets his head fall into his hands as he fights to breathe. 

“SAM, why’d he pick me?”

“Unknown. But he never acted without reason.”

Ryder feels emptier than he had when this all began. He wants to crawl back into a cryo-pod and sleep for another 600 years. Maybe even 1,000.

______

The Nexus is… depressing. It’s not that Ryder really expected it to be like the Citadel back home but, well, he at least expected a warmer welcome. Kandros is nice enough, but when he leaves Ryder and Cora in the control room where they’re practically swarmed as soon as the turian leaves, Ryder has to work to keep himself from reverting back to panic mode.

Tann is analysing (not surprising for a salarian), but not unkind, though he becomes colder when it’s made apparent that Ryder is the new Pathfinder. Ryder has to bite his tongue to keep from making a smart remark. _Disappointed? Me too, buddy._

Addison, head of Colonial Affairs, doesn’t make him feel any better about this new hierarchy either and Ryder goes quiet, lets Cora do the talking for a while. He can’t help the cynicism that leaks through his teeth when Tann and Addison grill him about his new title. 

“You’re in trouble here,” Ryder bites out, annoyed and so exhausted already that he feels it in his bones. “I’d say you need any help you can get.”

“We need _qualified_ help.” Addison is glaring at him and this time Ryder gives in to the urge to bare his teeth. 

“Look, I’m as excited about this as you are but if you don’t back the fuck off—” A krogan on the other side of the room cuts Ryder off before he can dig his verbal grave any deeper.

“That’s no way to treat a guest, Addison.” The krogan turns to Ryder to introduce herself—Nakmar Kesh—and Addison looks livid at Kesh’s self-involvement.

“It’s nothing personal,” Says Addison, like it’s completely personal. “But now isn’t the time for on-the-job training.”

Frustration boils in Ryder’s blood and he’s back to biting his tongue and clenching his fists. These people don’t fucking get it. He doesn’t want this, would give it back, rewind the clock in a heartbeat if he could. He opens his mouth, probably to say something else detrimental to his character, but Kesh beats him to the punch.

“At least the Pathfinder here seems willing to try.” Kesh sounds like she’s as fed up with Addison and Tann as Ryder is. “We could use a fresh perspective.”

Addison makes a face like she’s smelled something particularly unpleasant and straightens her spine. “You’ve heard my concerns,” Her eyes drill into Ryder and he glares back. “I’ll leave you to it.”

 _Thank god_ , Ryder thinks, as he watches her walk away stiffly. One more minute with her and he’d have to find the nearest airlock to throw himself out of. He appreciates Kesh taking his side but her hope weighs heavy on his chest and makes it hard to breathe. Once again, he’s reminded that he’s completely unprepared for this responsibility.

______

Instead of facing the bright new future that he’s supposed to find, Ryder seeks out Addison to pick a fight. Even though Ryder knows he should be above this, knows that he shouldn’t take out his own anger on everyone else, the spitting animosity helps a bit. He doesn’t even make it two feet onto Addison’s control deck before she corners him.

“All right, what happened.” It’s not a question because they both know what she’s after but Ryder plays dumb anyway.

“To who?” 

“ _To whom_.” Addison growls out, low and threatening. “And your goddamn father.”

Ryder bristles and he feels a rumbling growl build in his chest but he clamps down on it. “All you need to know is that things went wrong. And now I’m the one you have to deal with.”

“Alec Ryder wouldn’t accept that kind of ultimatum.” She sounds like a petulant child and Ryder clenches his jaw. “Damned if I will. We’d never have left home for this—this mess if that were how it worked, _Ryder_ ,”

“Alec Ryder is _dead_.” He grinds out, more of a growl than words. “You may think you knew him but you didn’t. No one did. Not really. So keep your thoughts to yourself, _Addison_.” 

She flushes with a righteous fury and opens her mouth to respond but Ryder’s already walking away. She yells after him anyway.

“We don’t have a lot of options, Ryder. Maybe you’ll prove your father right.” Addison pauses but Ryder keeps walking. She speaks loudly enough that everyone in the control room can hear her. “Forgive me if I don’t hold my breath.”

______

The rest of Ryder’s first visit to the nexus goes about as well as he expects, but he gets a ship out of it all so he can’t complain too much. The Tempest is relatively small, but Ryder still finds himself lost and turned around a couple of times. By the time he makes it to where Liam is holed up in storage, after the launch, after catching up with everyone on board—Vetra, Gil, Suvi, a slew of new and old faces that makes his mind whirl—he just about collapses on the ratty old couch.

Sweet, sweet, couch.

Even sweeter beer.

Ryder has to repress the urge to profess his undying love for Liam as he splays out on the couch bonelessly. Liam chuckles and nudges at Ryder’s legs with his foot so there’ll be room for him to sit down. Ryder gracelessly sits up and draws his legs toward himself, though he still takes up half the couch, and Liam hands him a beer. 

“Thought you might need something like this.”

Ryder makes an absolutely pitiful noise that’s supposed to express how grateful he is but it just makes Liam laugh. The ratty old couch somehow already smells like Liam, something soft and comforting, and Ryder is just about melting into the encompassing solace of it all. Ryder curls up in his claimed corner and sips his beer as Liam rambles about his past life as a cop, and then his time in crisis response. 

“Dad knew I wasn’t cut out for being a cop long before I did. But it got me into HUSTL. Best years of my life.”

“You found your place. Not everyone gets that.” Ryder doesn’t feel bitterness or jealousy at that, just a soft sort of warmth that curls in his chest at the happiness in Liam’s voice. 

“I knew it. Glad for it every day,” Liam’s voice softens with his eyes and Ryder feels like the one baring his soul instead of Liam. “And that led me here.” Ryder makes a noise and pretends to suddenly be captivated by his beer. Liam seems unfazed by this, only amused, and continues on.

When he asks whether or not Ryder misses his days with the Alliance, the new pathfinder just shrugs and absent-mindedly swirls his drink. He doesn’t meet Liam’s eyes and instead asks more about HUSTL. Liam gives him a look, but allows the subject change for now, and goes off on another tangent. Ryder watches him, watches the expressiveness of Liam’s face and the way he gesticulates with his hands, and Ryder’s lips quirk into a smile, small and secret. 

“So, Ryder, why Andromeda?”

Ryder snorts into his beer and clicks his tongue in mock disappointment. “Your mother raise you to have manners like that?”

“What can I say?” Liam grins at him, warm with mischief and something else. “I was raised by wolves.”

Ryder laughs and takes another swig. He goes quiet for a minute, contemplative. “Honestly? I never really wanted to do any of this.” Ryder pauses, tries his damndest not to look at Liam. “I wanted to be a doctor on the Citadel. I wanted to help people, but I wanted to make a difference in a way that didn’t have the futures of a million people riding on my shoulders.” He grimaces. “A Pathfinder who doesn’t wanna find a path. They’re not gonna be putting that on any posters any time soon.”

There’s the sound of shuffling and Ryder feels the couch dip as Liam sets down his beer and moves closer. “I’m sorry.” Liam makes a low sound of sympathy and Ryder has to fight the instinct to curl in close. “For what it’s worth, I’d rather follow you into the great unknown than anyone else, any day.”

Ryder finally looks up at Liam and sees the absolute seriousness on his face, the way his eyes burn with a fierce loyalty. “Thanks,” His lips quirk into a subdued imitation of his smile from before. “What about you? Why are you here?”

“I _want_ to say ‘I’m running from my past, but really running from myself’. That’d be a great story.” Liam picks up his beer again and puts some distance between them. Ryder whines low in his throat and shuffles so that his foot is pressing into the warmth of Liam’s thigh. He’s stupidly grateful when Liam doesn’t call him on it, doesn’t pull away, just lets his hand drop to the curve of Ryder’s ankle, brushes his thumb against the delicate swell of bone there. “... But it’s bullshit. I had family, friends. A good enough job. Nothing was wrong. I just heard about the initiative and… I believed in it. I believed in a new beginning.”

“Do you still? Believe in it, I mean,” Ryder’s voice is soft. “After everything that’s happened.”

“I do,” Liam says, the conviction in his voice unwavering and strong. Ryder finds himself wishing that he held that same spirit, that same fire for adventure. “I have to keep believing. We’re in it.” _And there’s no backing out now_.

“I just—” Ryder’s frustration seeps into his voice. Frustration with himself, with his father. With the kett and the Scourge and everyone back on the Nexus. “How can you still think that? How—with Alec gone—and I—” He can’t get all of the words inside of him out and he breaks off, angry and hurting, everything he hasn’t let himself think about coming back in waves that leave him aching for breath and a different life. Andromeda was supposed to be a fresh start, a new beginning. Instead it seems like an ending.

Liam squeezes his ankle gently and Ryder finally looks up, watches Liam’s lips as he speaks. “Look, I know why I’m here. A bad start and few unknown variables can’t change that. I won’t let it. In crisis response, I’d focus on essentials.” Liam smiles gently, as though he thinks Ryder might have a breakdown any minute. He isn’t terribly wrong. “Right now, that’s _you_ , and this team. Everyone here supports you, Ryder. We’re all here for you. And you’ve got this. _We’ve_ got this.”

Ryder feels like he might cry. He can’t find the right words, doesn’t think he wants to try, so instead he holds out his empty beer bottle and shakes it a bit so Liam can hear how depressingly empty it is. 

“Right, more beer,” Liam laughs. “I can get behind that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short ;n;  
> this chapter has been written for... months  
> idk why i never posted it  
> 


	3. i became such a strange shape from trying to fit in

There’s a short break somewhere in there, between listening to the numerous requests of people both on the Nexus and the Ark, where Liam helps him find a pyjack that someone decided to send the new Pathfinder. It not long before they find themselves standing in the loading docks of the Nexus, staring at a large black crate.

“What am I supposed to do with an alien monkey?” 

There’s a soft chittering coming from inside the crate. Liam crosses his arms. “Who the fuck brought a pyjack all the way to Andromeda?”

Ryder shrugs and pulls up his omni-tool. “Beats me.” He shoots a quick message to Kesh in order to ensure that the pyjack is delivered to the tempest. “Kinda cruel to put it in that crate though, isn’t it?”

Liam hums in agreement. “You should name it.”

“What? No. What do you even name a pyjack?”

“I dunno, something krogan? They’re from Tuchanka after all.”

“They’re an invasive species to Tuchanka. There’s a difference.” Ryder considers a salarian name, just for kicks, but decides against it.

“What about something distinctly ‘earth’?”

Ryder thinks for a moment. “Gaia could be a nice reminder of home.”

Liam doesn’t scoff, like Ryder had expected, and instead he nods enthusiastically, suddenly grinning. “It’s perfect. The Tempest needs her, I think. Good for morale or something like that.”

Ryder smiles back and can’t keep a laugh from bubbling past his lips. “Gaia it is.”

______

They manage to get the pyjack onto the Tempest before they depart again and someone lets her out of that godawful crate, though nobody wants to admit to the crime. Ryder would have done it if someone hadn’t already beaten him to the punch before he’d gotten aboard the ship.

He’s playing with Gaia in the research room, where the pyjack seems to have set up shop, much to Cora’s dismay. Ryder and Liam share a conspiratorial grin behind her back and Gaia chitters happily about her newfound freedom. 

It’s a nice little slice of peace in the chaos of everything and Ryder hates to let it go, even as he says a soft goodbye to the pyjack and makes his way toward the bridge, where the pathfinder mantle lays like a heavy cloak waiting to be picked up again.

Ryder’s footsteps echo and he takes a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. The bridge greets him with a burst of cold air and Ryder shivers as he takes his place at the helm. Suvi mutters something about ice as Ryder pulls up the galaxy map. 

It doesn’t take him long to find Eos on the map and Ryder hesitates for only a second before he charts a path to the planet. Everybody’s restless, ready to go and hesitant to see what the damage is all at once. 

It’s a sight when they finally reach the planet. The sun rises on the far side of Eos just as they crest the celestial body and it’s blinding. Deep purple, the purest gold. Bright pink and dusty orange. Warmth that bathes him from head to toe.The light, the view, the pressure to make another golden world out of desolation. Ryder distantly hears everyone enter the bridge behind him, can feel the weight of their eyes on him and he jolts when Liam is suddenly right next to him, speaking. 

“A lot of people have their hopes pinned on us. They gave up on Eos… Can’t blame them, though.” Liam looks sad, resigned. “They expected a golden world. Instead, they saw their friends die. Never know how that’ll effect—” Ryder’s gaze loses focus and Liam cuts himself off. He looks apologetic, at least. His voice softens, quiet, like it’s just him and Ryder. “Sorry. You okay?”

“It’s—” Ryder clears his throat, shakes the lingering melancholy from his bones. “Yeah. I’m—I’ll be fine.”

Liam reaches for him, grasps his forearm gently and opens his mouth like he’s about to say something else when he’s interrupted by Kallo. 

“Pathfinder?" They both turn to look at the salarian. "The tempest checks out. We’re good.”

Ryder nods and turns back to Liam, who’s pinned him with a heavy gaze. Ryder ducks his head and places a hand over Liam’s, where it’s branding hot on his skin. He pauses there for a moment, before he turns back to the bridge controls. He takes a deep, shuddering breath, and takes solace in the lingering warmth where Liam’s hand shifts to rest at the small of his back in silent support.

“Take us down.” He says, through the haze of alien sunrises in his mind.

Suvi grins at him, bright and excited. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted a pathfinder to say that.”

______

Eos may not have the electrical storms of Habitat 7, but it’s still unpleasant. There whole planet is plagued by radiation and kett, not to mention the depressing colonist logs about starvation, loneliness, hopelessness that they find along with several people’s remains.

Ryder’s heart sinks with every step they take further into the wasteland of Eos. The only good news is that there are the same alien structures here as there were on habitat 7 and it gives him enough hope to keep going, to keep trying to find a way to call Eos home. They’re frustrating to interface with, of course, and he finds himself fighting off sentries and kett while running around trying to find runes or _something_.

He’s exhausted already, and just wants activate this first structure so he can go deal with the rest. Ryder’s reaching a hand out to interface with the console when a voice, someone he’s never heard before, cuts through everything with a frantic “Wait!”

The next thing Ryder knows, the wind’s knocked out of him and he’s on his back, being crushed by whoever it is that tackled him. Ryder gasps for breath and opens his eyes, only to be greeted by the most cheerful looking asari he’s ever seen.

“Back off or I’ll put you down!” Liam growls low, gun pointed at the asari. He’s obviously not fucking around and the asari raises her hands in surrender. Ryder keeps gasping for breath as he waits for his lungs to start functioning again.

“Woah, easy big guy. You’ve come this far, just let it ride!” She sounds more annoyed than scared and Liam lowers his gun slowly, but his teeth are still bared. The asari continues as though she isn’t even remotely phased. “I’ve been studying this tech for months. I don’t know how you activated those glyphs, but you have to let them cycle through their channels—”

Ryder finally starts to breathe regularly again and he bares his teeth at the asari. “Alright, time to get off.” He bucks up, pushes her off a little more roughly than necessary, and scrambles back toward Liam, who offers him a hand up. Liam shifts so his body is in front of Ryder’s, between him and the asari, and the pathfinder feels a warmth in his chest at that, something that starts beneath his ribs and filters down into his stomach. It’s not unlike the feeling of taking a shot of whiskey, the burn deep inside of him, and Ryder shivers.

“Don’t like being sat on, huh?” The asari has a shit-eating grin on her face and Ryder glares at her as he snaps out of… whatever the hell that was. Anyway, fuck civility. He just got clotheslined by a scientist. 

“Who the fuck are you?”

She rolls her eyes. “Name’s Peebee. That’s all you need to know.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” He grouches under his breath. He decides to introduce himself, and he steps around so that his sight line isn’t blocked off by the alpha in front of him anymore, but he sticks by Liam, a little bit for safety, but mostly because he doesn’t trust the asari yet and he hates playing diplomat. “I’m Ryder. Pathfinder Ryder.” The title is tacked on hastily, almost begrudgingly. He sees Cora’s shoulders tense out of the corner of his eye.

“I know who you are. Not hard to guess with a ship and tech like that. Look, we both want the same thing: hope for Eos. How are you gonna help me out here?”

“We saw this same kinda stuff on Habitat 7,” Ryder admits with hesitance. “When my—when the previous pathfinder interfaced with it, somehow it cleared the skies. I’m hoping we can reproduce outcomes here.”

Peebee looks thoughtful. “Atmosphere manipulation, huh? Fits the model, I guess.”

Despite the lingering animosity, which is admittedly mostly just on Ryder and Liam’s end, Peebee gives them the navpoints for the other monoliths and runs off before Ryder can ask any questions. He shares a look with Cora and Liam as they holster their weapons.

“Well, that was… unpleasant.” Ryder feels a headache building and now his back hurts from the tackle. “‘Least we have a clue that we’re doing the right thing, now.”

Cora looks fed up and Ryder finds great pleasure in her annoyance. She turns to the nomad and starts to climb in without waiting for Ryder and Liam. “Come on,” She says without looking back. “Let’s get this over with.”

Ryder hates it, but he agrees with her sentiment.

______

Things don’t really get too interesting until they finally reach the last navpoint. There are kett _everywhere_. Ryder relishes the feeling, the freedom of finally being able to use his biotics. He unleashes hell on the kett that stand in his way, feels the sharp crackle of power in his blood, in his muscles and his bones. Liam stops shooting after a while, just stands back and watches. It doesn’t affect Ryder until Liam lets out a low, appreciative whistle and Ryder’s shockwave curves up and away from the enemy with Ryder’s surprise.

“Wh—” 

Liam just grins wolfishly, laughs, and starts picking off kett again like it’s a game. Ryder feels the whiskey-heat in his belly again and tries not to let it faze him as his biotics crackle to life once more. He takes out his confused frustrations on some kind of generator which, conveniently, deactivates the force-field that surrounds the entirety of the building they’re trying to get into.

There’s a big room with a giant, open window and a great view of the final structure that Ryder has to interface with. The group doesn’t take more than a couple of steps inside before there’s a yell—more of a rumbling growl, really—a window shatters and the corpse of a wraith slides across the floor to rest at Ryder’s feet in a pool of glass and blood. 

“What the fuck?!” Ryder yelps, backing quickly away from the dead animal.

A surprisingly agile and very, very big krogan follows the wraith’s path through what used to be the window and walks toward the group, thunderous and menacing. The krogan is heading straight for Ryder and he panics, stumbles backward.

“Who’re you?” The krogan barks out, harsh and angry. Ryder doesn’t have a chance to react beyond his initial instinct of _fucking run_ before Liam takes Ryder’s wrist and tugs him back so that he finds himself behind a solid wall of Liam for the second time in one day. 

“Hey!” He cries indignantly and smacks Liam on the shoulder, momentarily forgetting his fear. When the alpha only growls warningly and changes his stance as if he’s ready to go on the offensive, Ryder settles his hands on Liam’s shoulders and peeks around the alpha to address the krogan.

“That was pretty cool, man.”

“What—Ryder,” Liam hisses, incredulous and no less tense. Even Cora, who remains silent, gives him a scalding look.

“What?” Ryder shrugs. “It fucking was.”

The krogan looks surprised. “Huh, well. Yeah,” The krogan looks back at the corpse. “Guess it was.” He looks back at Ryder and steps forward threateningly. “Still haven’t told me who you are.”

Liam growls, loud. A warning. The krogan growls back. Ryder decides to intervene before Liam gets himself killed by someone who could possibly be a strong ally. Or just... strong in general. Strong and already apparently pretty pissed off. Ryder worms his way between the krogan and Liam, resolutely not reacting when Liam’s hands fall protectively to his waist. Ryder holds the krogan's gaze and tries to act far more calm than he feels.

“I’m the pathfinder.”

The krogan grunts as if he doesn’t believe him. “Are ya now?” He drawls.

“Yeah, I am,” Ryder doesn’t roll his eyes, even though every piece of him wants to. “I’m Ryder.”

The krogan sizes him up. “I’m Drack. Clan Nakmor.”

Ryder relaxes when the krogan turns and walks back toward the dead wraith, feels Liam’s hands slip from his waist. He tries not to make a disappointed sound at the loss of contact.

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t just trust some stranger form the Nexus,” Drack doesn’t sound anything but angry and Ryder vaguely wonders if that’s just a personality defect or if he actually sees Ryder as a threat. “They haven’t exactly treated us krogan well. What are you doing out here?” 

“You’re not the only one hunting kett.” Ryder huffs, stepping toward the krogan. 

“Yeah,” Drack scoffs, low and private, so Ryder’s the only one that can hear him. “Bet you’re mowing down an army with that gear, omega.” 

Ryder’s biotics pulse and crackle. Never mind making an ally. Fuck this guy. 

Drack raises his voice and continues as though Ryder isn’t kind of threatening him. “Nexus knows shit about the kett. They think they’re safe but they’re just waiting to die out there in space. I’ve been quads deep on a couple planets for a while now. Taking out kett bases. Fighting ground troops. I know what they can do.”

Ryder does roll his eyes this time, pride still stinging at the omega comment. This guy is so full of himself. No wonder he’s been working alone. There’s a weirdly heavy silence while Ryder and Drack stare at each other, something that grows more tense the longer it stretches until Cora pipes up from the back.

“We could use a krogan like you, Drack.”

“I’m flattered,” Drack actually laughs this time, something humourless and cynical. “But do you have any idea how many humans I’ve watched die? You’re meat. You spoil.”

“Oh, fuck you!” The fuse on Ryder’s temper seems to have reached its end. His biotics flare and he bares his teeth at the krogan. “You’re meat too under all that rude, shit-talking armour. Just because you’re a little tougher than us doesn’t mean you’re gonna survive longer, asshole.”

Ryder can almost _hear_ the disapproval from Liam and Cora in the silence that follows, but he doesn’t stop glaring at Drack. The krogan snorts, sounding almost amused. 

“I’m gonna go find more kett to shoot,” Drack turns and starts to walk away, but stops abruptly and looks back toward Ryder. “Try to keep your head out there.”

“Huh,” Ryder says, as his biotics fade and he watches the krogan leave. “He seems fun. Definitely thought he was gonna kill me for a minute there.”

Liam growls behind him but doesn’t say anything. Ryder grins and turns toward the door. 

“C’mon. We got a planet to fix.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu ?  
> i love the pyjack  
> ryder was raised by wolves apparently


End file.
